1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Your post-baby belly: Why it's changed and how to tone it

Why do I still look pregnant?

You may be very surprised by the way your tummy looks after birth. Your baby is out, but there it is, right around the navel: a big, round, squishy puffball that makes you look like you're still six months pregnant. Many women also have a dark line down their abdomen called a linea nigra and a web of stretch marks, which are actually little scars caused by the extensive stretching of skin. Those who had a c-section have surgical scars to contend with as well.

It takes time for your body — and especially your belly — to fully recover from pregnancy. Imagine your abdomen as a balloon, slowly inflating as your baby grows. Childbirth doesn't pop the balloon, it just starts a slow leak. But don't worry — it's a steady one.

From the moment your baby is born, hormonal changes cause your midsection to deflate, shrinking it back to something closer to its pre-pregnancy state. It takes about four weeks for your uterus to contract to its normal size. All the cells in your body that swelled during pregnancy will begin releasing their fluids in the form of urine, vaginal secretions, and sweat. And the extra fat you put on to nourish the baby will start burning off (especially if you're nursing and exercising). But it takes at least a few weeks to see noticeable results.

Stretch marks and the linea nigra, however, endure longer. The good news is that stretch marks usually become considerably less noticeable six to 12 months following childbirth. Their pigmentation fades and they typically become lighter than the surrounding skin (the color will vary depending on your skin color), but their texture will remain the same. The dark color of the linea nigra will gradually fade over a year, but that too may not completely disappear.

How long will it take for my belly to shrink back to normal?

We've all heard stories of new moms whose tummies are tight and flat immediately after giving birth. Although this does happen, it's rare. For most women it takes months to get rid of the "pregnancy pouch" — and sometimes it never goes away.

Patience is key. It took nine months for your abdomen to stretch to accommodate a full-term baby, so it makes sense that it would take that long or longer to tighten back up.

The speed and degree of this transition depends largely on your normal body size, how much weight you gained during pregnancy, how active you are, and your genes. Women who gained less than 30 pounds and exercised regularly during pregnancy, who breastfeed, and who have had only one child are more likely to slim down quickly.

If you're not breastfeeding, you'll need to watch how much you're eating in order to lose pregnancy weight. You need fewer calories now that you're not pregnant. (See our "Diet for Healthy Post-Baby Weight Loss" and our "Diet for a Healthy Breastfeeding Mom."

What can I do to make my belly look better?

Breastfeeding helps, especially in the early months after childbirth. Women who breastfeed burn extra calories to make milk, so they usually lose pregnancy weight more quickly than their non-nursing counterparts.

Nursing also triggers contractions that help shrink the uterus, making it a workout for the whole body. But many breastfeeding moms say they have trouble losing the last 5 to 10 pounds. Some experts theorize that the body retains these extra fat stores to aid in milk production. Science hasn't yet tackled this question definitively. See our poll on whether breastfeeding helps you lose weight to learn what other nursing moms experienced.

Exercise also helps. Whether it's a stroll around the block or a postpartum yoga class, physical activity tones stomach muscles and burns calories. A rigorous exercise regimen that includes an aerobic workout and movements that focus on the abdomen can work wonders. (But before starting an exercise routine, make sure your body is ready.)

Some baby bulges require more effort. A low-calorie diet can help you lose weight, but give nature and exercise time to work first. Wait at least six weeks (preferably several months, especially if you're nursing) before cutting back on calories. Dieting too soon after giving birth may reduce your milk supply and can make you feel more fatigued.

And don't go on a strict diet — women need a minimum of 1,200 calories a day to stay healthy, and most women need much more than that — between 1,800 and 2,200 calories a day — to keep up their energy and mood. To lose about a pound a week, cut out 500 calories a day by either decreasing your food intake or increasing your activity level.

If you're breastfeeding, losing more than a couple pounds a week can release toxins — normally stored in your body fat — into the bloodstream, increasing the amount of these contaminants that wind up in your milk. So if you're losing more than 2 pounds a week after the first six weeks, you need to take in more calories.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Toys for newborns

Early Pregnancy : In her first months, before she learns to grasp objects or sit up, your baby will most appreciate things she can look at and listen to. Her vision will be fuzzy at first and she'll fix on things that are about eight to 14 inches from her eyes. She's drawn to the human face — and can recognize yours at about 1 month — but she will also enjoy large pictures of faces.

High-contrast patterns and bright colors captivate her because they're the easiest for her to see. She's already learned to appreciate sounds and soft music. (Find out the lyrics to all your favorite lullabies.) Objects that move slowly and produce a gentle sound are far more interesting to her than those that are fixed and silent.

Hand-held toys: Her nearsightedness makes her appreciate anything you can move into her line of sight. She won't be able to hold toys for a while, but she'll demonstrate her preferences by batting at the ones she likes.

Tape player or music box: Music is one of the best ways to entertain and soothe your infant. Play a variety of music — nothing too raucous — and see how she responds. For more ideas, see our musical recommendations for this age group.

Mobile: A mobile can add a new dimension to a baby's horizontal view of life. Look for ones with high-contrast colors and patterns. Many babies are particularly fond of mobiles that play music. Attach the mobile to the crib rail. Infants this age look to the right 80 percent of the time, so a toy hung overhead or on the left will be of limited value now. For safety's sake, keep the mobile out of your baby's reach.

Unbreakable mirror: Although they won't realize it's themselves they're seeing at this stage, babies find their own reflection fascinating. And by 3 months old, yours may have struck up a relationship with hers, and begun smiling at it. Look for a mirror you can fasten to the side of the crib or hang near a changing table.

Soft books with high-contrast patterns: Soft books with easy-to-see patterns or decorations are designed just for babies. Lie down next to her so she can watch you turn the pages as you read aloud to her — even at this age it pays off. For more ideas, see our recommended books for newborns.

Sensory toys: A soft toy that trills or tweets when pressed will please a baby for months to come. The accidental squeaks will also help her become aware of what her hand is doing.

Sock and wrist rattles: Attach a soft rattle to your baby's wrist or ankle, or warm her feet with socks that have built-in rattles to provide long moments of entertainment as she experiments with new sounds she can make herself.

Wind chimes: Babies love soft music, so hang a set of these in a place where she can watch it move and listen to the sound. If the chime is over her crib, your baby may fall into the habit of watching it for a few minutes before drifting to sleep. Hold her up once in a while so she can sound the chimes herself, too.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Your 7-week-old's development

Reaching out

Your baby's hands should be mostly open now — ready to reach out to the world. In the early days of your baby's life, grabbing was mostly automatic and instinctual and she couldn't let go if she wanted to. Although she can't really grab objects just yet, she can hold things placed in her hands. And, once she wraps her hands around something, she might not let go so easily. She'll also begin to try and bat at objects, so keep potentially dangerous objects far from your little one's reach. This means not holding hot liquids or sharp objects while you're holding her.

Learning begins now

You may notice short periods of time when your newborn is quiet and alert. This is prime time for learning: Your baby's brain will grow about 5 centimeters during her first three months!

Use these calm intervals to get better acquainted with your baby — talk to her, sing to her, describe the pictures on the walls. She may not be able to add to your conversation just yet, but she's learning nonetheless.

New textures for her hands to feel and new sights and sounds (all in moderation) are all learning opportunities. Even bath time becomes a laboratory for understanding life.

Eyes can track objects

With both eyes now able to follow things consistently and well, your baby can track a moving object much better, something she may have been able to do for only brief periods since birth.

The stores are packed with developmental toys, but you'll do just as well with everyday objects. Pass a rattle or a bright plastic ladle horizontally in front of her. Then try moving it up and down. This should attract your baby's attention, though she probably won't be able to smoothly follow things vertically for another three months and diagonally for another six months.

You can also play eyes-to-eyes by moving very close to her face and slowly nodding your head from side to side. Often her eyes will lock onto yours.

Remember, your baby is an individual

All babies are unique and meet milestones at their own pace. Developmental guidelines simply show what your baby has the potential to accomplish — if not right now, then soon. If your baby was premature, keep in mind that kids born early usually need a bit more time to meet their milestones. If you have any questions at all about your baby's development, ask your healthcare provider.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Sleep-sharing: The family bed

What is sleep-sharing and how common is it?

Co-sleeping, sleep-sharing, the family bed: Whatever you call it, it means regularly sharing a bed with your child instead of sleeping separately.

It turns out that many families sleep together all over the world. And it's a growing trend in the United States. A national study published in 2003 found that between 1993 and 2000, the number of babies 7 months old or younger who usually shared a bed with an adult grew from 5.5 percent to 12.8 percent.

How do I know whether sleep-sharing is right for my family?

The decision to establish a family bed is a personal one: What works for other families may not work for yours.

• Your child's health and safety are the most important considerations. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against sleep-sharing for the health and safety of the child — but sleep-sharing advocates disagree. Read "Safety and Sleep-Sharing," below, for more about this.

• Some people love the coziness of sleep-sharing. Others say having a squirmy child in bed with them makes it difficult to sleep.

• Some babies sleep better next to their parents. Others seem happier sleeping on their own.

Other important considerations:

Time for bonding
For today's busy families, snuggling in bed together can be a way to connect after a long day apart. Co-sleeping can particularly enhance closeness between the father or other partner and the baby, who don't have the physical connection that a nursing mother and her baby do or may simply have less time to spend together during the day.

Night feedings
Moms who co-sleep say it's easier to breastfeed and bottle-feed with their baby right next to them.

If you breastfeed your baby, once you get comfortable with nursing on your side with your baby curled next to you, you may find that you barely wake up when it's time to feed. You help your infant latch on, then sink back into slumber.

If you bottle-feed, you can have a prepared bottle in the refrigerator to give your child when she wakes up, then go back to sleep as soon as she's settled.

Others say the proximity causes their baby to wake up more often to feed. And co-sleeping can make it harder to wean your baby from waking up at night to nurse or take a bottle. Breastfeeding babies, in particular, smell their mothers' milk, and many develop the habit of waking repeatedly at night to feed long after they have a physical need to do so.

Your relationship with each other
Some moms and dads discover that the family bed makes it harder for them to find time alone together to reconnect, or puts a damper on their sex life. Other parents say it makes them more resourceful and creative about finding private time.

If you share a bed with your child, you may need to plan for time alone with your partner instead of waiting for it to happen spontaneously. Depending on your point of view and how you're feeling, planning for intimacy could be a drag — or a fun new adventure.

Check in with your partner

Choosing to sleep-share should be a family decision. So before you start, make sure your partner is comfortable with the arrangement. You run the risk of damaging your relationship if you decide independently that this is what you're going to do or pressure a reluctant partner to agree.

Talk the issue over together and consider the pros and cons. Consult friends who sleep-share and find out how it's working for them. Brainstorm with your partner about ways to make private time for yourselves. Let your partner discuss his reservations, if any, and listen to what he has to say. Talk openly about your own feelings.

If either of you still has doubts, one strategy is to agree to a trial period of two weeks or so and check in with each other when that period is over. As with all parenting decisions, it's important to consider each other's feelings and point of view before making a decision.

Check in with your baby

Many parents who have no intention of sharing their bed end up doing so when they find that it's the only way they get can their newborn to sleep. For some babies, sleeping alone is hard to get used to after nine months in utero. They crave closeness and comfort.

But not every baby enjoys a shared sleeping arrangement. If you have a family bed and your baby's restless or fussy at night, you might try putting her in her bassinet or crib to see if she seems happier there. Or, if crowding is the problem, consider getting a larger bed or a bedside bassinet to give everyone a little more room.

What are the long-term effects of sleep-sharing on children?

Pediatrician William Sears — an advocate of attachment-style parenting, which emphasizes the close bond between parent and child — believes babies who co-sleep grow to be more confident and independent, because of the early nurturing co-sleeping provides. And many parents who have co-slept with their kids would agree.

Some traditional child development experts have argued that a child who sleeps with her parents will become overly dependent. As sleep-sharing has become more widespread in the United States in recent years, though, it has also become more accepted, and some of this skepticism has faded.

For example, in the original 1985 edition of sleep expert Richard Ferber's famous book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, he advised parents against co-sleeping. But in the 2006 revised version, Ferber's views mellowed considerably.

In that book, he writes, "Children do not grow up insecure just because they sleep alone or with other siblings, away from their parents; and they are not prevented from learning to separate, or from developing their own sense of individuality, simply because they sleep with their parents. Whatever you want to do, whatever you feel comfortable doing, is the right thing to do, as long as it works."

If you sleep with your baby, it may be difficult to persuade her to move into her own bed later. Some children who spend their early years in the family bed resist sleeping anywhere else — at least at first. But most kids will happily sleep on their own once they've made the transition.

Safety and sleep-sharing

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommend against sharing a bed with a child under the age of 2, citing an increased risk of death from suffocation, SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), strangulation, or another unexplained cause. But other experts and parenting groups disagree, saying co-sleeping is safe and beneficial if done properly.

For more information, read what the CPSC, the AAP, and sleep-sharing advocates have to say.

If you decide to try sleep-sharing, don't leave your baby to sleep alone in an adult bed — it's not designed with infant safety in mind. Naturally you won't always be going to bed when your baby does, so consider putting her in a bassinet or crib for naps and at night until she wakes up for her first feeding.

And be sure to observe the following additional safety precautions for as long as they're age appropriate:

Safe sleeping position
No matter where your baby sleeps, put her down to sleep on her back. Experts say that following this "back to sleep" practice is the most important thing you can do to reduce your baby's risk of SIDS.

Safe sleeping environment

• Never smoke or allow others to smoke around your infant, whether or not you're co-sleeping. Some studies have found that babies who share a bed with parents who smoke are at higher risk for SIDS.
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• Childproof the room you and your baby sleep in. The day will come when she can get out of the bed and explore while you sleep.

Safe sleeping companions

• Never co-sleep with your infant if you're under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. These intoxicants could interfere with your awareness of your baby's presence and her cries.
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• If you're extremely overweight, sleep-sharing might not be safe for your baby. Installing a crib or a co-sleeper next to your bed is a less risky way to go.
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• Don't sleep in clothing that has long strings or ribbons on it or wear jewelry in the family bed.
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• Don't let older children sleep next to a baby younger than one year. They could accidentally harm the baby by rolling over or kicking in their sleep.
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• Keep pets out of the bed.

Safe mattress and bed

• Put your baby to sleep only on a smooth, flat mattress. It's not safe for babies to sleep (with or without you) on a waterbed, an egg-crate mattress, a couch, an armchair, or any other surface that's not firm and could interfere with your baby's breathing — firm and flat is the rule.
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• Ideally, place your mattress on the floor. That way, if by chance the baby rolls off, she won't have far to fall. Place rugs or pillows on the floor around the mattress to cushion falls, If your mattress isn't on the floor, equip it with a bed rail (or two, if it's not against a wall on one side). Use mesh rails, not rails with slats that could entrap a baby's head.
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• If your mattress is against a wall or anything else, check daily to make sure there are no gaps that your baby could slip into. Fill any gaps with tightly rolled towels. The same goes for gaps between headboard or footboard and the mattress.
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• Don't use a headboard or footboard with slats more than 2 3/8 inches apart or cutouts — these can entrap a baby's head.
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• Position the bed away from room features that might be a hazard for a baby, such as cords for window blinds, lamps that can be pulled over, and so on.

Safe bedding

• To make sure your baby can breathe freely, keep pillows, blankets, comforters, and other bedding away from her face.
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• Make sure fitted sheets fit securely so they can't be pulled loose.
• Don't use sheepskins or any type of cushy mattress cover.

Safe sleepwear

• For warmth, dress your baby in layers. Footed pajamas and sleeveless sleep sacks ("wearable blankets") can help. (Get more ideas for keeping your baby warm without blankets.)
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• To avoid overheating, dress your baby more lightly than you would if she were sleeping alone.

A safe alternative
If you feel uneasy about having your baby in your bed but you don't want her in another room, she can sleep near you in a bassinet or a crib. Some bassinets (often called co-sleepers or bedside bassinets) are designed to attach to and be level with the bed.

The AAP, while it discourages sharing an adult bed with your baby, says having your baby in your bedroom but in a separate sleeping space (even one right next to the bed) reduces the risk of SIDS.

Parents' voices

Parents who say "yes" to sleep-sharing

"Babies sleep better with their parents and vice versa. Breastfeeding is so much easier, solidifying that bond. I am now co-sleeping with my third boy (a week old today). Neither my husband nor I have ever rolled over on them. As far as parent private time is concerned — did I mention we have three boys?"
— Angie

"We started co-sleeping with our daughter when she was 7 months old and waking and crying four to eight times a night. When we moved her into our bed, she immediately started sleeping peacefully. She'd still wake a couple times to nurse, but it was obvious that she was sleeping a lot better — and so were we. Co-sleeping isn't for everyone, but it has been wonderful for our family. We look forward to continuing it for another year or two, when our little girl will probably want to leave us for her own bed ... sniff sniff.".
— Anonymous

"My husband and I have shared our bed with each of our three children. I nursed each the first year and I found I had a better night's sleep if the baby was in bed with me. One piece of advice I give is to put your baby in his own crib by around 1 year of age, or it will be very hard to get them out of your bed later (this happened with my eldest)."
— Cristina

"Our 3-month-old has been sleeping with us for the past month and we love it. This morning we got to see him roll over for the first time and it was priceless, plus he sleeps so much better in the bed with us. I know we'll have to move him to his crib very soon, but I love the closeness. He falls asleep two hours after we get home from the sitter's, so I love the extra time together that sleep-sharing gives us."
— Anonymous

"Co-sleeping has been so wonderful for us with all three of our kids. I can't imagine it any other way. Our babies cried less, and we got so much more sleep than we would have otherwise. Every one of the kids decided when they were three that they wanted to sleep in their own bed. They've never once had to cry themselves to sleep like most kids I know."
— Harmony

"Two of my three children have been sleep-sharers. The other one just wouldn't sleep unless he was in his bed but his bed was in our room. My #3 is 6.5 months. I love her being there when I go to sleep, and the way she looks at me when she wakes is priceless. My husband feels the same way. I think sleep-sharing is wonderful if you can do it safely."
— teresa

"At first, I was very worried about having my daughter sleep with me. But, I've fallen in love with it. I was getting grief from a few of my friends that also have little ones, but I LOVE sleeping with my daughter. I don't have to worry about her, I can check to see if she's breathing and immediately fall back to sleep. And she sleeps for six-hour spans now! Oh, and about that sex life...If we're feeling 'in the mood,' we just put the baby in her crib until she wakes up to eat again."
— Colleen

Parents who say "no" to sleep-sharing

"My 3-month-old can't sleep while sharing a bed or being held. She's slept in her crib since day one. I put her in the crib when she's still awake but tired. She loves it. She looks around a bit or plays with her hands for a few minutes until she's sleepy enough to fall sleep. Even though I love that she prefers to sleep in her crib, sometimes I wish I could cuddle with her and take a nap with her without her getting so upset. But at least I get a full nine hours of sleep."
— Karagraaf

"My 18-month-old has lately gotten the habit of sleeping with us. It was nice at first but now, two months down the line, my sex life has left the building. The minute we begin to initiate sex, the baby's alarm goes off and he wakes up wanting to sleep in our bed."
— Anonymous

"I just had my first child. My husband and I agreed before the baby was born that she'd be put in her crib from day one. I tried the sleep-sharing thing in the hospital and found that every little peep she made kept me up at night. She sleeps fine in her crib, I sleep better in my own bed, and the monitor lets us know when she wakes up to eat. In the long run I think sleep-sharing would keep my child dependent on me for comfort rather than establish a routine of sleeping on her own."
— JT

"My baby slept less comfortably in bed with us. Every time I moved, or my husband snored, she woke up. And I was constantly paranoid that I was going to roll over on her or knock the blanket on her face. I don't let her cry when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I soothe her back to sleep, tell her I love her, and put her in her crib. We did the co-sleeper for the first three months, then made the transition to her room, and I highly recommend this."
— Anonymous

"My son is 11 months old and he can't go to sleep unless we're lying next to him in a big bed (usually ours). Huge mistake! I suggest getting your baby used to sleeping in his own bed while he's young!"
— Crystal

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Postpartum exercise: Is your body ready?

How soon after delivery can I start exercising?

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says it's okay to gradually resume exercising when you feel up to it. But your doctor or midwife may ask you to wait until your six-week postpartum checkup so she can see how you're doing first.

Generally, if you exercised throughout your pregnancy and had a normal vaginal delivery, you can safely perform your pregnancy workout — or at least light exercise, such as walking, modified push-ups, and stretching — within days of giving birth. After your first postpartum week, a slow to moderate 30-minute walk three times a week is fine. As you regain strength, you can increase the length or number of walks.

If you had a c-section, expect to wait about six to eight weeks to exercise. However, walking at an easy pace is encouraged because it promotes healing and helps prevent complications such as blood clots.

If you weren't active during your pregnancy, or tapered off your fitness routine as the weeks went on, start slow and check with your doctor or midwife before you begin exercising.

In any case, remember that your joints and ligaments will still be loose for about three to five months, so watch your step to avoid spills. If you want to take an exercise class, try to find one taught by a postpartum exercise specialist or go for a low-impact class focused on toning and stretching. Many YMCAs, recreation centers, gyms, and yoga studios offer exercise classes for new moms.

Exercise is good for you, but in the first few months after you give birth, don't overdo it. Your body needs time to heal, and you need time to adjust to your new role and to care for and bond with your baby.

Do I need to be careful of my abdominal muscles?

Most women develop a gap in their abdominal muscles as their belly expands during pregnancy and labor. It takes approximately four to eight weeks after giving birth for this gap to close.

If you start doing abdominal exercises before the gap closes, you risk injuring those muscles — so make sure your belly is ready before you start:

• Lie flat on your back with your knees bent.

• Place the fingers of your left hand, palm facing you, just above your belly button. Place your right hand on your upper thigh.

• Inhale, then exhale. As you exhale, lift your head and shoulders off the floor and slide your right hand up your thigh toward your knee. This will make your abdominal muscles tighten, and you should be able to feel the gap where the muscles have separated.

If the gap is three or more finger widths, you can gently begin to strengthen your abdominal muscles with pelvic tilts and leg slides. Once the gap narrows to only one or two finger widths, you can start doing crunches or sit-ups.

Will exercise affect my ability to breastfeed?

No, it won't. Even vigorous exercise doesn't significantly affect the amount or composition of your breast milk. But you'll want to avoid exercises that make your breasts sore or tender. Wear a supportive sports bra while working out, and try to nurse your baby before you exercise so your breasts won't feel uncomfortably full.

Are there any physical signs that I might be trying to do too much too soon?

Too much physical activity during the first few weeks after delivery can cause your vaginal flow, called lochia, to become pink or red and to flow more heavily. This is a signal to slow down. Notify your doctor or midwife if vaginal bleeding or lochia restarts after you thought it had stopped or if you experience any pain when you exercise.

What's the best way to lose weight after giving birth?

The best way to start dropping those pregnancy pounds is to do some form of aerobic exercise to get your heart rate up, such as brisk walking, swimming, running, or biking.

But wait at least six weeks — and preferably a few months — before you actively try to slim down. And don't aim to lose more than a pound per week, especially if you're breastfeeding.

Starting a diet too soon after giving birth can affect your mood and energy level, as well as your milk supply. If you're patient and give your body time to do its work, you may be surprised at how much weight you lose naturally.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Let's talk about sex: After the baby

When is it safe to start having sex again?

Many caregivers recommend waiting about four weeks after you give birth. (It's definitely not safe to have intercourse until at least two weeks after delivery. During this time, you're generally still bleeding and at risk for a hemorrhage or uterine infection.)

If you have stitches, it's likely that your caregiver will advise you to wait until after she checks you out at your six-week postpartum visit.

After you get your caregiver's go-ahead, it's okay to start having sex again as soon as you feel ready and not before.

When will I feel like having sex again?

It's common to have a low libido in the weeks or even months after having a baby. In the first six weeks after delivery, you're likely to be exhausted, and possibly sore and overwhelmed. Your body needs time to heal. And you're now dealing with the 24/7 demands of caring for a newborn.

You may be worried that sex will be painful. If you had perineal tearing or an episiotomy, you're likely to be particularly tender in that area. For some women, the tenderness resolves relatively quickly. Others may have discomfort during intercourse for months after delivery.

And you're likely to have less natural vaginal lubrication in the first four to six weeks after the birth due to your body's decreasing level of estrogen during this time. If you're breastfeeding your baby, this dryness may continue for as long as you continue to nurse. Or it may return slowly as your nursing sessions become less frequent.

There are plenty of other reasons you may not feel like having sex right now. Adjusting to motherhood may be stressful or emotionally all-consuming. You may feel less attractive or less confident in your changing body at this point. You may fear becoming pregnant again, particularly if you are using a new form of contraception. Or you may be struggling with baby blues or postpartum depression.

If you're not ready to resume your sex life yet, give yourself a break. You need time to adjust both physically and emotionally to the demands of caring for a baby, and there's no need to rush into having sex until you feel ready. In time, sex will likely be as satisfying as it was before your baby came along.

How will having a new baby in our lives change our feelings toward each other?

You may find (or your partner may sense) that the intensity of the bond you're developing with your new baby makes you somewhat less emotionally available. On the other hand, a new baby can bring such joy to your lives that it enhances sexual intimacy.

If your mate is feeling jealous or intimidated by your new relationship with the baby, try to reassure him that you still love and need him. And make sure that he has plenty of opportunity to care for and bond with the baby as well. Sharing the joys and frustrations of parenthood can be very rewarding and can even intensify your romantic feelings for each other.

When will my vagina be back to normal?

Your vagina will certainly be stretched out just after childbirth, but it will start to shrink and regain muscle tone within a few days. Your vagina will always be a little larger than it was before your first vaginal delivery, but you can help strengthen and tighten your vaginal muscles by doing Kegels every day.

How will breastfeeding affect my sex life?

• You'll probably find that you have less vaginal lubrication than you did when you were pregnant, due to lower levels of estrogen while you're nursing. Using a lubricant will help reduce discomfort you might feel from vaginal dryness. Lubricants are usually found near the condoms or the tampons and sanitary pads in the drugstore. Be sure to get a water-based lubricant, especially if you're using a barrier method for birth control, since oil-based lubricants can weaken latex and cause a condom to break.
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• Nursing causes an increase in the hormone prolactin, which stimulates milk production but may also dampen your libido.
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• Your breasts may not feel like an erogenous zone the way they did before. You may also find that at times they're too tender for touching or sexual stimulation. Let your partner know how much touching or sucking you'd like.
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• You may worry that your breasts will leak at an inconvenient time – and they might. During climax, some women discover that they experience letdown (their breasts leak or spray milk). That's because the hormones that are present during orgasm are also present during letdown. If it bothers you, nurse your baby or pump to empty your breasts before having sex. As time goes on and breastfeeding becomes more established, leaking during sex may not happen as frequently.

What are my options for birth control?

It's best to think about this even before you deliver. Because you will ovulate before you get your first postpartum period, you can get pregnant if you have unprotected sex during this time. Keep condoms around until you've got reliable contraception in place.

Talk to your practitioner about what kind of contraception will work best for you now. You may be able to resume using the birth control method you used in the past, or you may decide that something else would work better. Your options will depend in part on whether you want to have more children in the next few years and whether you're breastfeeding. See our article on postpartum contraception for a summary of your choices and links to more information.

What if I think I'm ready for sex, but I'm worried about the pain?

Take it slow and easy, and try to enjoy each other's bodies without specific expectations of where it will lead. Try to find a time when you won't feel rushed through lovemaking. If you're not ready for intercourse, consider manual or oral stimulation around the clitoris. You can ask your partner to avoid the perineum and vagina if they're still sore.

Once you're feeling ready to give intercourse a try, you might experiment with different positions (like the woman on top) where you can control the depth of penetration. If you had a c-section, consider making love side-by-side so there's no pressure on your wound. Using a lubricant should reduce any discomfort you might feel from vaginal dryness. Be sure to let your partner know what feels good and what doesn't as you're going along.

How can we find the time for sex with a baby around?

If possible, set aside time to be alone for sex. If you find you're distracted and always listening for the baby, perhaps you can arrange to leave the baby at a neighbor's or with Grandma or a sitter for an hour or two. If you can't, then you'll have to work around the baby's nap or bedtime.

Your baby will no doubt wake up at the most inconvenient time. It helps to keep your sense of humor. And be patient. Things will get easier when your baby starts sleeping through the night. And you'll be less tired then, too.

How can I keep intimacy alive if I'm not ready for sex?

There are many ways to be intimate. Take a few minutes to kiss and cuddle before falling asleep at night. Ask your partner for a massage or foot rub. Let him know that you appreciate his affection outside of lovemaking by saying things like, "I love it when you stroke my hair." He'll know the spark is still there if you let him know that a kiss on the back of your neck while you're tending to your baby sends shivers (the good kind) down your spine.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Introducing your breastfed baby to the bottle or cup

What's the best way to introduce my baby to a bottle?

Most lactation experts suggest you wait until your baby is 3 to 4 weeks old and breastfeeding is well established before introducing a bottle. If you're returning to work, start bottle-feeding at least two weeks before your start date so you can work out any glitches ahead of time. (You can get more information on such topics as sterilizing bottles and how often to bottle-feed in Bottle-feeding basics.)

Because sucking milk from a bottle requires different mouth and tongue movements than breastfeeding, it may take your baby a little time to get used to the change. Try these tips for a smooth transition:

• Offer her a bottle a little earlier than her regular feeding time so she'll be hungry and interested, but not so hungry that she'll be frustrated by the cold nipple.

• Let someone else feed her the first bottle.Your baby will be less confused if you don't give her the bottle yourself, since she may wonder why she's not getting your breast. Instead, ask someone who might feed her in your absence — your mother, your partner, a childcare provider, or another mother — to make the first introduction.

• Try to be out of the house for this event; babies can smell their mother from a distance of at least 20 feet, and she may know that you (and your breasts) are around even if you're in another room.

Tory Winnick introduced her son Philip to the bottle when he was 3 weeks old. "I pumped and put my breast milk in a bottle so my husband, Mike, could experience feeding the baby," she remembers. "We had to try a few different nipples until we found one that most closely simulated the breast. It really made Mike feel great that he could feed the baby, too."

Bottle-feeding can be just as nurturing physically as breastfeeding if you cuddle the baby close. Some babies like to be held in a nursing position while drinking from a bottle; others find that position disconcerting. Ask whoever is offering your baby the bottle to experiment while maintaining eye contact with her, and give her a chance to get used to this new experience.

Some babies don't eat very much when mom isn't home, and if they are away from her all day may begin waking more frequently at night. Don't be surprised if this happens; treasure these quiet and intimate times and use them to reconnect with your baby.

What do I do if my baby resists taking the bottle?

If your baby isn't having any of it, try these techniques:

• Use a bottle nipple similar to her pacifier. If she sucks on a latex pacifier, use a latex bottle nipple rather than a silicone one, and vice versa. Heat the nipple with warm water to make it more appealing.

• Put some breast milk on the nipple. When your baby tastes it she may start sucking to get more.

• Let your baby play with the nipple so she can familiarize herself with it. If she just chews on it, let her. She may actually start sucking it soon.

• Try holding her in a different position: Put her in an infant or car seat so she is semi-upright, and then feed her the bottle while facing her. Once she is used to taking a bottle, you can hold her as you usually would for feedings. One enterprising father put on his wife's bathrobe and tucked the bottle under his arm while holding the baby in a breastfeeding position. That won't work for you, but it might work for Dad!

Make sure you have lots of time to put your feet up and relax during this process. If she starts crying and pushes the bottle away, back off, comfort her, and then try again. The last thing you want is a bottle battle. If you've tried three times and she's refused three times, then call it a meal. Don't breastfeed her immediately. Wait five or 10 minutes, and do something else before you put her to the breast so she won't associate her refusal to bottle-feed with immediate gratification.

Many babies who have been getting bottles all along will suddenly decide at about 3 months that they don't want a bottle anymore, that they simply prefer breastfeeding. And why not? It's warm, cozy, sweet-smelling, and done with their favorite person — Mom. So early success isn't necessarily an ironclad guarantee that your baby will take the bottle when you really want her to.

What if I want to skip the bottle and start my baby out on a cup?

In some countries, babies who can't nurse are taught to drink from a cup from the get-go — even the tiniest infants can learn to do it. There are some advantages to this method: There's no chance of nipple confusion, you won't be tempted to prop your baby up with a bottle (sucking on a bottle at nap time or bedtime can lead to tooth decay), and you'll never have to break a bottle habit. Of course, helping your baby drink from a cup is time-consuming; unless you use a cup with a spill-proof top (commonly known as sippy cups) or a built-in straw, you'll have to help her drink and be prepared for the inevitable mess. Daycare providers may not be comfortable with this arrangement.

Many of the same principles of introducing your baby to a bottle hold true for the cup. Have your child get used to a cup at an early age (but not until breastfeeding has been well established), and introduce it gradually — one feeding a day. If you are going back to work, start a few weeks before you actually head off to the office; your child needs time to get used to this new feeding method.

My baby absolutely refuses to take a bottle. What should I do?

Some people will tell you that if you just wait her out, she'll eventually be hungry enough to take a bottle. That's not necessarily true, and starving a baby into submission isn't a good idea. Don't make mealtime into a battleground — now, when she's 2 years old, or ever.

If all attempts to bottle-feed her fail, go the cup route. Hold her upright in one arm and bring the cup to her mouth, tilting it gently until a wee bit of milk, formula, or juice (depending on the age of your child) goes in. She'll begin to lap and then to drink it. You can also use a hollow-handled medicine spoon to do the same thing.

Young babies often favor the bottle because it satisfies their sucking needs; older babies and toddlers like the novelty of drinking out of a cup. Once she can drink from a cup fairly proficiently, you have an alternative for when you are at work — either cup or bottle — and her caregiver can try both.

In situations like this, it's not uncommon for a mother to blame herself, saying, "If only I had given her a bottle a day from the beginning, this wouldn't be happening." But this just isn't true. Some babies never take a bottle.

What if I decide to wean my baby from the breast?

If you've decided to wean your baby, or to cut back nursing to before and after work, you deserve congratulations and support for having given your baby weeks or months of breast milk. Just be sure that your baby gets the same one-on-one, physically nurturing and affectionate time with you and a bottle that she did with you and the breast. For more information on easing this transition, see our article on how to wean your baby.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Hair loss

My newborn is losing his hair. Is this normal?

Newborn hair loss is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. Babies often lose their hair during the first six months. This kind of hair loss is called telogen effluvium.

Here's why it happens: Hair has a growth stage and a resting stage. The growth stage lasts about three years, and the resting stage lasts about three months (although anywhere from one to six months is normal). During the resting stage, the hair remains in the follicle until the new hair starts coming in.

About 5 to 15 percent of hair on the scalp is usually in the resting phase at any one time, but stress, fever, or a hormonal change can cause a large number of hairs to stop growing all at once. The shedding begins when the next growth stage starts up about three months later.

A newborn's hormone levels drop right after birth, which can cause him to lose the hair he was born with. (New moms often lose large amounts of hair for the same reason.)

Parents are sometimes surprised to discover that when a baby grows a new head of hair it's a completely different color and texture than what he was born with. BabyCenter reader Julie's son Will was born with a full head of thick black hair. "He looked just like Elvis — he even had sideburns," she says. "Both my husband and I are blond, and we wondered where the dark hair came from. Almost immediately after birth, though, it started falling out. The hair that replaced it is a beautiful wheat color."

If you notice that your baby has bald patches, observe the way he sits and sleeps. If he always sleeps in the same position or tends to sit with the back of his head against a baby seat, he may lose hair in that area. He may also develop a bald spot if he rubs his head against his mattress.

There are other conditions that cause hair loss, but they're very uncommon in children under 12 months old:

• Patchy bald spots with red, flaky scaling (and sometimes black dots where the hair has broken off) may mean that your baby has a contagious fungal infection called tinea capitis, or ringworm.

• Physical damage — from tight ponytails, for example — can result in hair loss called traction alopecia.

• Irregular patches of hair may fall out if your older baby twirls or pulls his hair compulsively. This is called trichotillomania.

• If your baby has smooth, round, totally bald areas, he may have alopecia areata, a condition in which the immune system attacks the hair follicles, drastically slowing hair growth. This type of hair loss usually appears in isolated patches, although it can affect all of the hair on the body.

• Some medical conditions — such as hypothyroidism (a thyroid disorder) or hypopituitarism (an underactive pituitary gland) — can cause hair loss all over your child's head.

What can I do about my baby's hair loss?

There's nothing you can do about newborn hair loss related to hormone levels except look forward seeing your baby's new 'do.

If the bald spot is the result of your baby spending too much time in the same position, try alternating the way your baby sleeps during naps and at night. If you usually put him to sleep on his back with his head at one end of the crib, try putting him down with his head at the other end every other night. Your baby will naturally turn his head to the side to look out of the crib, so he'll be resting on a different part of his head.

If you have a sleep wedge to keep your baby from flipping over onto his stomach, you can try putting him to sleep on his left side, the next night on his back, and then the next on his right side.

Also make sure your baby spends some time on his tummy every day. In addition to giving the back of his head a break, tummy time is essential for your baby's overall physical development.

Mention your baby's hair loss to his doctor, especially after your baby's half birthday. Chances are the hair loss is normal, but his doctor can make sure that there isn't an underlying medical condition and help with treatment if there happens to be a problem. If your child has ringworm, for example, she'll prescribe an antifungal medication.

If the doctor suspects alopecia areata, she may refer you to a dermatologist for further evaluation. (Some children simply outgrow alopecia areata without treatment. Others — usually older children — receive medication to stimulate hair growth.)

If your baby's hair loss is due to breakage, you'll just have to treat his hair and scalp tenderly for a while until it grows back. (Keep in mind that a baby's hair is finer and more delicate than an adult's. Opt for natural styles and brush gently.)

There are no guarantees, but in most cases a baby's hair loss is temporary. There's a good chance your child will sport a full head of hair within a year.

What if my baby's completely bald?

Many new babies are bald, although upon close examination of your baby's scalp, you will probably see pale, downy, extra-fine hair. This type of baldness can sometimes last until a baby's first birthday. Until then, enjoy the maintenance-free style!

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Doctor visit worksheet: The 9-month checkup

THE DOCTOR WILL...

• weigh and measure your baby to make sure she's growing at a healthy, steady rate (if she's slowed down a little, that's okay — most babies do at this age as they settle into a long-term growth pattern).
• give your baby any missed immunizations.
• discuss general safety for your baby such as car seat safety, childproofing your home, and poison control.
• make a note of how your baby looks (babies this age are generally plump and round, with extra chins and folds in their thighs).
• make sure your baby doesn't look overly pale (pale skin can be a sign of iron deficiency and anemia).
• answer any questions you have about vitamins (most babies don't need them, but ask about this if you're concerned).
• address any worries about your baby's health, including symptoms of and how to treat colds, fevers, diarrhea, croup, and ear infections (this is a prime age for many of these).
• give some insight into your baby's development, temperament, and behavior.
• look at your baby's eyesight and hearing.

QUESTIONS THE DOCTOR MAY ASK

Read this worksheet all the way through — it links to more detailed information. Then click here to print a clean worksheet you can fill out and take to your doctor.

1. How is your baby sleeping? (Your baby may be waking up often at night these days. She misses the fun and companionship of daytime and will be reluctant to go back to sleep. The doctor may have some helpful suggestions, especially if you have detailed information on how much your baby sleeps and when. Most nine-month-olds are still sleeping about 11 hours at night and three during the day.)

2. How is your baby eating? (At this point your baby has probably begun feeding herself a few finger foods, so the doctor will ask how that's going. Tell him if your baby is having trouble with solid foods or drinking from a cup.)

3. Is your baby crawling? (By now your baby should be crawling or getting around by some other means — scooting, slithering, bottom-shuffling, etc. If she hasn't already, she'll also soon start pulling up to stand.)

4. What does your baby say? (At this age your baby can join syllables together and is probably jabbering wordlike sounds. She may even be saying "mama" and "dada" — though many children still can't at this age. Also let the doctor know what your baby understands. By now she should know and respond to her own name and a few other familiar words; if she's not making any sounds or is making fewer than she was before, tell the doctor, and print out our list of early warning signs.)



5. Does your baby point at objects? (Between the ages of nine and 12 months, most babies start pointing at things that catch their attention such as dogs, and toys. It's a non-verbal way of trying to communicate with you and an important step in language development.)



6. What games does your baby like to play? (Most 9-month-olds love imitative games like peekaboo and patty-cake and find great fun in banging and rattling toys — it's all part of finding out how the world works.)

7. How are your baby's fine motor skills developing? (At this age your baby is learning to use her thumb and forefinger in a pincer grasp that lets her pick up even the tiniest objects. She probably also likes using her index fingers to poke at and explore things.)

8. How does your baby react to strangers? (Lots of nine-month-olds are in the throes of separation and stranger anxiety. They love their parents and family members but are wary of people they don't know.)

9. How are your baby's gross motor skills developing? (By now your baby should be able to bear weight on her feet when she pulls herself into a standing position or you hold her up. If she can't yet get up on her hands when you put her on her stomach, or if she seems to favor using one side of her body over the other, tell the doctor, and click here for our checklist of warning signs.)

10. How is your baby's vision? (Your baby's sight is almost adultlike in its clarity and depth these days. But if you're concerned about her vision in any way, tell the doctor.)

11. How is your baby's hearing? (If your baby doesn't turn toward sounds, be sure to tell her pediatrician; the sooner potential hearing problems are investigated, the sooner they can be treated.)

12. Have you looked at your home from your baby's point of view? (Now that your baby's mobile, there may areas you haven't childproofed yet, such as electrical outlets. Now's also a good time to make sure all medicines and cleaning products are safely locked away, and to post the poison control hotline phone number in an obvious place. You'll also want to review car seat installation instructions if you're going to switch to a convertible-type seat.)

QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE

To find out what parents of nine-month-olds most want to know, and what our experts had to say about those issues, click here.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Doctor visit worksheet: The 4-month checkup

THE DOCTOR WILL...

• weigh and measure your baby to make sure she's growing at a healthy, steady rate.
• measure your baby's head size to make note of her brain growth.
• give your baby her second big round of immunizations (she'll probably get vaccines for DTaP, Hib, polio, and may get a hepatitis B vaccine).
• address any health concerns that he notices (constipation, colds, and the flu are common in babies this age).
• answer any questions you have about childcare and transitions.
• give some insight into your baby's development, temperament, and behavior.
• look at your baby's eyesight.
• look at your baby's hearing.
• identify ways of setting up a bedtime routine that will help you and your baby get more sleep.

QUESTIONS THE DOCTOR MAY ASK

Read this worksheet all the way through — it links to more detailed information. Then click here to print a clean worksheet you can fill out and take to your doctor.

1. How is your baby sleeping? (Your baby's sleep patterns probably haven't changed that much over the past couple of months, though she may be shifting even more of her sleep time to night rather than naps.)

2. When, how, and how often is your baby eating? (Some babies aren't ready for solids quite yet — 4 to 6 months is the recommended time — but it can't hurt to talk to the doctor about it now. Ask him how and when you should begin, and whether your baby needs any extra vitamins.)

3. What are your baby's bowel movements like? (Soft feces are best, color can vary. If your baby has ever frequently passed smelly, watery, mucus-streaked stools, it's probably diarrhea. Ask the doctor about the best way to treat it.)

4. Can your baby roll over one way or sit with support? (Both of these are skills that your baby will begin to develop around now, though she probably won't be able to roll over both ways or sit without support until she's about 6 months old.)

5. Can your baby do a mini-pushup? (This skill is typical for 4-month-olds and shows that their physical development is on track. If she's still having difficulty controlling or lifting her head, let the doctor know.)

6. What sounds does your baby make? (At this age your baby's language skills may include babbling, squealing, and even laughing. She's probably smiling at you even more now, too, sometimes even before you smile at her, and her mouth is getting quite active — exploring objects, drooling, and blowing bubbles. If your baby is making fewer sounds than she did before, tell the doctor.)

7. How are your baby's motor skills developing? (At this age your baby may reach for and grab things, and she may also be able to bring her hands together in front of her. If she uses one hand more than the other, bring it up with the pediatrician. At this age she should also be kicking with both legs and bouncing on them when she's held upright above your lap or the floor; if she holds her legs straight a lot of the time, tell the doctor.)

8. Have you noticed anything unusual about your baby's eyes or the way he looks at things? (Check our eye examinations article to learn how to spot potential problems.)

9. How is your baby's hearing? (If your baby doesn't turn toward sounds, be sure to tell his pediatrician; the sooner potential hearing problems are investigated, the sooner they can be treated.)

QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE

To find out what parents of 4-month-olds most want to know, and what our experts had to say about those issues, click here.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Doctor visit worksheet: The 2-month checkup

THE DOCTOR WILL...

• weigh and measure your baby to make sure he's growing at a healthy, steady rate.
• give your baby his first big round of immunizations (he'll probably get vaccines for hepatitis B, pneumococcal vaccine, DTaP, Hib, and polio).
• address any health concerns that she notices (cradle cap, baby acne, and diaper rash are common in babies this age).
• answer any questions you may have about breastfeeding or making the transition to going back to work.
• give some insight into your baby's development, temperament, and behavior.
• check your baby's eyesight.
• check your baby's hearing.

QUESTIONS THE DOCTOR MAY ASK

Read this worksheet all the way through — it links to more detailed information. Then click here to print a clean worksheet you can fill out and take to your doctor.

1. How is your baby sleeping? (At this age, many babies are starting to sleep a little longer at night and less during the day. The average is about nine to ten hours per night — though not all at once — and five or six during the day, broken up into two or three naps.)

2. When, how, and how often is your baby eating? (Most babies still eat every two or three hours at this age, though the frequency may begin to diminish slightly later this month. The doctor asks feeding questions to determine whether your baby is getting enough breast milk or formula to thrive.)

3. What are your baby's bowel movements like? (Soft feces are best, color can vary. Dry or pellet-like stools may be a sign of dehydration or constipation in a formula-fed infant. Tell your doctor if you notice any.)

4. What is your baby's crying pattern like? (If your baby is particularly fussy, the doctor may suggest ways you can soothe her.) Have you noticed a change? Many babies begin to "settle" at about 6 to 8 weeks.

5. How is your baby's head control developing? (Head control is an important developmental milestone. By now your baby should be able to hold his head up when he's on his stomach.)

6. Can your baby push up on his forearms? (This development in your baby's strength and coordination, which could happen this month or next, is the precursor to the mini-pushup he'll master at about 4 months.)

7. How does your baby respond when you talk to him? (At this age your baby should be cooing on his own and at you — it's one of the first steps in his language development.)

8. Does your baby smile on his own? (Most babies are smiling voluntarily by this age — it's one of their earliest social behaviors.)

9. Have you noticed anything unusual about your baby's eyes or the way he looks at things? (Check our eye examinations article to learn how to spot potential problems.)

10. How is your baby's hearing? (Your baby's hearing is mature from birth, so if he's not turning toward voices, especially familiar ones, you should tell the doctor.)

11. What is your baby's posture like? (By now your baby should have relaxed a bit from the scrunched-up fetal position; his legs should come down when he's lying on his back. But if he's overly limp — he feels like he'll slip out of your arms — or has uneven movements, tell your doctor.)

QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE

Click here to see some of the most common development questions among parents of 2-month-olds and how our team of child development experts answered them.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Colds

Why does my baby get so many colds?

One reason that babies get a lot of colds is that their immune systems are immature, making them more vulnerable to illness. Also, your child can develop immunity to only one of the more than 200 different viruses that cause the common cold at a time. Think of all the colds you've had in your lifetime. Your baby would have to get all of those — and more — to be immune to all cold viruses.

As your baby grows, he's likely to be exploring a lot and touching (and licking!) everything, so it's easy for him to pick up a cold virus on his hands. Then all he has to do is put his fingers in his mouth or nose or rub his eyes, and the virus will get a chance to set up shop.

Your baby may get sick more often during the fall and winter months because cold air and indoor heating dry out his nasal membranes, making it easier for a cold virus to get a foothold there. He also spends more time during cold weather cooped up indoors, where viruses can spread more easily from one person to another.

Most children average between six and ten colds per year. In families with children in daycare or school, the number of colds can reach 12 per year! (The average adult gets two to four colds annually.)

How can I tell if he has a cold and not the flu or some other illness, or even allergies?

It can be tricky. If your baby has a cold, he might have a runny nose with clear mucus that may thicken and turn gray or yellow or green over the next week or so. He might have a cough or a low-grade fever.

If your baby is running a fever, watch him when his fever comes down. If he plays and eats normally (or almost normally — he might eat a bit less and drag a little), then it's probably a cold. If he acts ill even when his temperature drops, though, he may have something more serious than a cold. Also, a flu or other illness is more likely to have an abrupt onset, and is more likely to be accompanied by diarrhea or vomiting. On the other hand, if congestion or coughing shows up before any fever, it's more likely that your child has a cold.

Itchy, watery eyes and nose are hallmarks of an allergy, as are repeated sneezing attacks and itchy skin that lasts for weeks or months. Also, the mucus coming out of your baby's nose will continue to run clear, rather than thickening and turning yellow or green as it tends to in children with colds. Allergies won't cause your child to run a fever, and they tend to show up in the spring, summer, and early fall.

How should I treat my baby's cold?

No medicine will make a virus go away faster, but you can help your baby feel better and prevent the infection from getting worse by making sure he gets plenty of rest and liquids. For babies under 4 months, that means breast milk or formula. At 4 months your baby can also have a little water, and at 6 months he can start drinking juices.

Since most children can't master nose blowing until about age 4, here are a few ways to help ease your baby's congestion.

• Tip your baby's head back and squeeze over-the-counter saline (salt water) drops into his nostrils to loosen up the mucus. Then suction out the liquid and mucus a few minutes later with a rubber bulb syringe. If your baby is having trouble nursing with a stuffy nose, try this tactic about 15 minutes before a feeding. He'll then be able to breathe and suck at the same time. Apply petroleum jelly to the outside of your baby's nostrils to reduce irritation. (Don't use nasal sprays on your baby unless his doctor says it's okay. They may work temporarily but can cause a rebound effect in which the congestion gets worse with continued use.)

• Use a humidifier or a cool-mist vaporizer to moisten the air in your baby's room. Or take your baby into the bathroom with you, turn on the hot water, close the door, and sit in the steamy room for about 15 minutes. A warm bath can accomplish the same thing.

• Elevate the head of your baby's mattress by placing a couple of towels between the head of the mattress and the crib springs. Sleeping at a slight incline may help relieve his postnasal drip, but don't overdo it. If your baby is a restless sleeper, he could end up flipping around so his feet are higher than his head, defeating the purpose of the elevation. (Never use pillows to prop up your baby as they could suffocate him. And don't put anything under the legs of the crib because that could make it unstable.) You might even consider letting your baby snooze in his car seat in a semi-upright position.

For more safe ways to soothe your baby's symptoms, see our article on home remedies that really help..

Is it okay to give my baby over-the-counter cold medicine?

Most experts say no. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advises doctors to tell their patients that OTC cough and cold medicines aren’t effective in children younger than 6, and can sometimes have dangerous side effects. You may want to ask your child’s doctor what she suggests.

Keep in mind that cough and cold medications won’t shorten the course of your child’s cold or prevent further complications such as such as ear infections or sinus infections.

If your baby is feverish, ask your doctor about giving him infant acetaminophen or ibuprofen.

Never give your baby aspirin as it makes him more susceptible to Reye's syndrome, a rare but potentially fatal disease.

What natural or alternative treatments can help relieve my baby's cold symptoms?

Adding a few drops of menthol, eucalyptus, or pine oil to a vaporizer or bath may help your baby feel less congested, says Kathi Kemper, professor of pediatrics, public health sciences, and family medicine at Wake Forest University School of Medicine and author of The Holistic Pediatrician. (You can get these oils at most natural food stores.) If your baby is at least 6 months old, a weak, lukewarm solution of chamomile tea can also be soothing.

For more safe ways to soothe your baby's symptoms, see our article on home remedies that really help..

A word of warning: Never use the Chinese herb Ma Huang, also known as ephedra or ephedrine, an herbal decongestant. Its potency can vary widely, and the Food and Drug Administration has linked it to bad reactions in adults, including high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, seizures, heart attack, and stroke. Always talk to your doctor before giving your baby any kind of medicine, conventional or otherwise.

When should I call the doctor?

If your child is younger than 3 months, you should the doctor at the first sign of illness, particularly if your baby has a fever higher than 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit (taken rectally) or a cough.

If your baby is between 3 and 6 months, the doctor may want you to call if his temperature reaches 101 degrees F, and if he's over 6 months, 103 degrees F. (Ask your baby's doctor for her guidelines.)

No matter what your baby's age, call if you notice any of the following:

• Your baby takes a turn for the worse instead of starting to improve after five to seven days, or if his cold symptoms last for more than 14 days.

• His cough gets worse and he's wheezing or gasping. These symptoms could be a sign of pneumonia or respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), a relatively common but potentially serious respiratory illness in babies under age 1.

• He cries when sucking during a feeding, or pulls and rubs his ear. This could be a sign of an ear infection.

Is there anything I can do to cut down on the number of colds my baby gets?

You can't prevent every cold, but there are things you can do to minimize your baby's exposure and boost his defenses. For starters, make sure family members and friends wash their hands before picking up your baby (this is particularly important around newborns, who are even more susceptible to illness than 1- or 2-month-old babies).

To the extent you can, keep your baby away from sick children or adults. They'll understand if you ask them to postpone a visit until they're not contagious. Keep in mind that babies in daycare get more colds than those kept at home simply because they're exposed to more kids and, hence, more germs. Make sure your childcare provider is conscientious about washing her hands. And make sure you wash up, too — especially after changing diapers and before preparing food.

Keep your baby well hydrated. Again, for babies under 4 months this means making sure they continue their normal breast- or formula-feeding routine. After that age, you can give your baby a little water as well, and at 6 months you can introduce your baby to juice. If your baby is hydrated, he should be wetting at least five or six diapers a day.

Secondhand smoke can put your baby at higher risk for upper respiratory problems, so stay clear of cigarette smokers and keep your baby away from areas where someone has been smoking. Children who live with cigarette smokers have more colds and their colds last longer than those of children who aren't exposed to smoke.

Finally, breastfeed for as long as you can. (The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for a year to reap the health benefits of breast milk.) Although it's not a fail-safe guard against infection, studies have shown that breastfed babies get sick less often than their formula-fed peers because the antibodies in breast milk protect against a host of germs.

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1 MONTH OLD : WEEK 4 - Childcare options: Pros, cons, and costs

Finding quality childcare can be a major parenting challenge. In essence, you're looking for a mommy or daddy substitute — someone who will nurture, love, cuddle, play with, and care for your child in your stead. If you're returning to work, start thinking about childcare soon after your baby's born — or as early as your second trimester if you live in a big city or anyplace where good childcare is scarce or in high demand. It takes time to find the right situation, and competition for the best providers can be intense.

Our chart helps you compare and contrast your options: daycare center, home daycare, nanny care, preschool, relative care, and staying at home.

Last updated August 2007

Type of childcare	Average cost for full-time care	Advantages	Disadvantages
Daycare center To find one, click here	$316 to $1221 a month for babies and toddlers (average $679)	• More affordable than nanny care • Reliable (won't call in sick) • Ample supervision • Toddlers can socialize with other children of same or other age groups • Staff members are trained in early childhood education • Licensed and regulated	• Teachers care for more than one child; recommended ratios are typically 1 to 3 for babies, 1 to 4 for toddlers, but requirements vary from state to state • Centers that care for infants can be hard to find — or full • Kids get sick more often • Most centers won't provide care for sick children • Closed during most holidays • Rigid pickup and drop-off times
Home daycare To find one, click here	• $344 to $792 a month for babies and toddlers (average $525) • $295 to $750 a month for preschoolers (average $474)	• Nurturing, homelike atmosphere • Smaller groups of children than at large daycare centers • Less expensive than most other childcare • Kids socialize with children in the same and other age groups • Usually more flexible pickup and drop-off times than a center	• No backup if provider gets sick • Most providers don't have formal schooling in early childhood education • No caregiver supervision • Less stringent licensing requirements
Nanny To find one, click here	$500 to $700 a week ($2,167 to $3,033 a month); live-in nannies usually receive a bit less	• More personalized attention • In-home care is more convenient than out-of-home care • More flexible than daycare and home daycare centers • Children stay in familiar surroundings	• Most expensive childcare option • No nanny supervision • Playtime with other children must be specially arranged, either by you or the nanny • Extensive paperwork and taxes (read about hiring a nanny legally) • Can leave you in the lurch if she quits, becomes sick, or is otherwise unavailable
Relative care	Often free, but if you choose to pay, aim for minimum wage in your state or more. You can also offer to do chores, give gift certificates, or pay an occasional bill for a relative caregiver.	• More personalized attention • Caregiver has personal interest in your child • You may share the same values • Very inexpensive (many relatives refuse payment)	• Employee-employer relationship is hard to establish with a relative • Your childcare philosophies may conflict • Playtime with other children must be specially arranged, either by you or your relative • No caregiver supervision or regulation • Older relatives may have a hard time handling active toddlers
Stay-at-home parent	No extra cost — but income drops if you were working before	• No one truly replaces Mom or Dad • You get to be there for your child's developmental milestones • You control the quality of the care • You don't have to explain your rules or parenting philosophy to others • You avoid the work-family tug-of-war	• Possible isolation and loneliness, especially if you give up a job you cherished or don't know many other stay-at-home parents • Physical and emotional strain on you • Some people feel an identity loss from shelving or leaving a career • Playtime with other children usually must be specially arranged • Loss of income — you may need to make some lifestyle changes
Although preschools technically fall in the same category as daycare centers — they're licensed and regulated by the same bodies — they typically have a more academic focus. If you have an older toddler or young child (2 through 5), preschool is definitely an option.
Preschool To find one, click here	$316 to $910 a month (average of $535 a month)	• Structured environment • Well regulated • Reliable (won't quit on you or call in sick) • Developmentally appropriate learning curriculum • Teachers are trained in early childhood education • Built-in chance for your child to socialize with other kids • More educational activities and outings	• Teachers have to care for more than one child; minimum ratio is 1 to 8 • Kids get sick more often — and schools don't let sick kids attend • Closed during most holidays • Rigid pickup and drop-off times

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